The Near Horizon: November 2018

Hey, so...

I've got one of those good news/bad news kind of posts. Let's start off with the good news.

First, Episode Two of The DOOM Chronicles is done early! It's going back to sleep for at least a year. I'll pick it back up after DOOM: Eternal comes out and I've had time to play it. Also, my mystery fan fiction I've been working on in the background will come out within the next few hours! It's Half-Life: Bishop's War, the rewrite. I feel good about it, I've written five chapters so far, and I'm looking forward to diving back into the Half-Life universe. Also, I'm going to be continuing with And There Was Another. Got a little sidetracked getting The DOOM Chronicles written.

So what's the bad news?

Well, I've come to a decision: for the foreseeable future, I'm setting aside S. A. Lusher. I'm also deleting my secondary WattPad account. Obsidian Productions will remain, but S. A. Lusher is going to be deleted on 01.01.2019.

Why? A number of reasons, but two main ones. The first is that I don't really feel like WattPad is ever going to go anywhere for me. In a way, I kind of don't feel welcome on the platform anymore. I went into that feeling a lot more in my big rant in the Afterword of Dead Winter and my August 2018 update. Nothing new there.

The second, and by far more important reason, is that I really need to shift focus to my secondary pen name, the one that I have a lot of plans for with the legit cover art and social media presence and marketability and commercial viability. You know, all the stuff that seems to separate the failures from the actually successful creative types.

It's going to take a lot of time. In the meantime, I still will be working on fan fiction, cause it's what I do to keep myself sane, and I still take a lot of pleasure in creating it.

On a more personal note, I wanted to say that 2018 was just a shit year for me. To give you a rough idea of events...

I got as sick as I've been in easily the past decade, and probably one of the sickest times in my life, in December 2017. Then my wife left for a two week vacation with her family. I basically go to pieces when I'm away from my wife for any real length of time, which I did, which was compounded by the fact that winter came and my SAD hit.

January pretty much sucked, then February hit. I decided to step down off my meds near the beginning of the year to see if they were actually doing anything for me. (Hint: They were.) On top of that, I don't want to get too much into it, but my wife and I were very abruptly hit with some serious financial stress. This continued on through March and April.

When May rolled around, things began to look up. The financial crisis was resolved and I got back on my meds. Then in June I kept having to deal with emotional problems that sucked, and on top of that, I started having vague yet concerning medical concerns. To this very day nothing has actually really come of it, and I'm still basically in the same health as I was before it began.

Because I'm a paranoid at heart and I always see the worst in everything, I did spend some time genuinely wondering if I was dying. That is not a good thing to wonder.

This general state of unhappiness has persisted since then. To make matters worse, my grandmother passed away in September, which was extremely depressing. And then, just a few weeks later, my family dog, which we got way back in 2001, also passed away. So I've been dealing with all that as best I can.

Now I'm staring down the barrel of winter again. I'm doing better than I have been for most of the year, although I still feel like I'm trying to find my feet and get some genuine stability, to find my emotional center again.

Basically what I'm hoping is that I'll be able to finish resolving these problems I'm having over the next few months, and when Spring 2019 comes, I'll be feeling a lot better.

Here's hoping.